Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Battling the winter blahs...

I don't usually talk about things that upset me on my blog because I like it to be positive and I like it to be the place where I can try to put my best thoughts forward, but I've had some developments in my life in the past couple days that truly stress and sadden me. If you're a regular reader of this blog, you know I lost my mom to brain cancer a little over a year ago. It's been really hard to deal with and just makes every other stress in life magnified. I'm the kind of person who deals with stress by avoiding it, not talking about things that stress me out and not talking TO people who ask too many questions about the things that stress me out. I'm not saying this is the right way to be, it's probably not, but at this point in my life, I know if I don't tackle little stresses this way, I honestly won't get through the day. There'd be a big nervous breakdown in my future and I'm trying to avoid that since The Husband and The Son need me. I really don't like to talk finances on my blog but just so you understand, we still have two mortgages, the City House is still not ready to put on the market and we really need to get rid of it... I probably don't need to say much more, huh?

So... in an effort to be positive, I am going to make a list of some of the wonderful things I DO have in my life...the things that keep me going and keep me from sinking into an abyss of depression and stress.

Obviously, the biggest things would be:

1. The Husband: I'm so fortunate to have a husband who treats me so well, who loves me and supports me even though there are times when we make each other crazy! Watching him be a Daddy to The Son is one of the biggest joys in my day. He's a good man and I'm a lucky girl.

2. The Son: The biggest joy in my life. It's been really difficult the past couple weeks, seeing him grow up so quickly without my mom around. His fifth birthday was SO bittersweet, not because he's aging but because he doesn't have her around, she'd think he was hilarious and I know the two of the would be having the best times together. I try to remember the special things she did for my Sister and I as kids and the way that she raised us and I've been trying to pass that on to The Son. I think he's turning into a great kid so The Husband and I must be doing something right.

I'm also thankful for:

3. My Family and friends: I know how much my family loves me and it always keeps me going. The scrapbooking weekend I just spent with my sister was SO much fun and was one of the most relaxing times I've had in a long while. I knew The Son was being taken care of by The Husband and MIL and that made it easy for me to have fun. My Dad and I don't talk as much as we probably should but there's never any doubt in my mind that he loves me and for that I am grateful. My niece with all her cuteness keeps me laughing AND I'm getting a new niece soon to spoil and love...what could be better than that?

4. My dogs: Sure they have their moments that I'm not so thankful for but usually, they know just when I need a snuggle or a "press down" or some general goofiness to make me smile. My newest pup Ziggy is such a joy, I just love the big oaf. (I have to let you know he just peed on the couch because he doesn't like the snow/ice outside and I'm still saying I love him so that should tell you something, I guess I should be thankful for microfiber and it's ease of cleaning too...)

5. My message board girl friends: These are girls I've "known" now for over five years. I met them all when we were pregnant with our January 2004 children. Lots of changes have happened over the years, some good and some bad but I know that the girls who hang in there and remain my friends are people I'll always be friends with. I hope to get to meet all of them in person someday.

6. Facebook: I've written about it before but this crazy facebook thing has gotten me back in touch with numerous friends from the past, "kids" I did high school plays with, The Peter Pan to my Wendy, sorority sisters who I thought were lost forever and even an old friend from church choir many, many years ago. It's a really cool thing to reconnect and I'm enjoying it immensely.

7. Our YMCA: I really feel at home there. I enjoy working there, working out there and the general family atmosphere that I get when I go there. I was also lucky enough to meet two really good friends through the Y. I'm lucky to have them.

I guess that's enough for now, when I think about it, I could probably list even more...I'm sure it's not the most exciting post for you to read but I do feel a little bit better, I have a lot to keep me going even though at times it's hard to remember that.

Have a great day everyone!


Darlene said...

I am like you Caren with things that are unpleasant to me. I usually just avoid talking about them. You are still grieving the loss of your mom and you may do that for a long time. I can't even imagine how that must feel, so I can see how you could easily sink into a depression.

I definitely have to keep myself focused on the positive things. I also have distanced myself from people that are negative. I just don't want all that negativity in my life as it tends to bring me down. Your list of positives is wonderful and just thinking positive (like you posted) will lift your spirits.♥

Nina said...

ostrich here too...and when things really really hurt me I don't/can't talk to anyone about it till I make it funny and that gets overwhelming. two things that helped me were 1. keeping a journal to just write - stream of conciousness, no rhyme or reason, never to look at again, do 10-30 minutes a day...helps me decompress a bit.

2. I was thinking maybe it would help to write a journal to your son/mother...I'm sure she's out there watching out for you and your family and sad she isn't there to give you a big hug...but write the things that you would tell her about your son and how she would respond then someday give it to him...and it'll help him know how much she did and you do love him...

and what type of dog is ziggy?

Caren said...

Thanks girls, you're both so sweet.

Nina, Ziggy is a German Shorthair Pointer. There's lots of pictures on this blog somewhere...I'll post some new ones soon if you don't want to search.

Cathy said...

Hey Sister - I loved your list of positives. I was just thinking yesterday how my birthday coming up is one of the hardest days of the year for me. If it weren't for Mommy (and Daddy too of course ;)) I wouldn't even have that day. I really feel like I am trying my very hardest to raise Lily as Mommy raised us - just as you said you are doing with Alden. I think we are doing a great job and she is proud of us. I totally agree with what you said about how she would be with Alden - hamming it up and making him laugh all the time. She was certainly the best Grammy and Mommy ever.

But as you said - you DO have so many positives in your life and just keep remembering them to try keep you going. I love you! AND - don't forget you have a dog - ZIGGY - with "fancy" legs!! What could be cooler than that!! ;)

Thinking of you!

Michelle said...

Way to keep it positive, Caren!

I like to gripe about stuff on my blog though. Gets it off my chest and my mind, you know?

I can't believe all us message board mommies have been together for so long now!! It's like we're all family!! :-)

Always Smiling said...

Hey Caren! I barely have time to get online unless its due to school and I miss checking up on everyone via board/blogs/etc.

I know exactly how you are feeling and that is why I try to stay positve and smiling all the time.

Hang it there and keep on being thankful!

Nikki said...

Oh Caren, I just ran across this post! I have not been here in a while as I have your link on my other broken puter :-/ I am a wee bit smart and googled your title today! HA!

Anyways, I wanted to say that I'm thankful your in my lifet too! Miss seeing you around the board (hugs)

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