Where have you been? I miss hearing from you. For months now I've been receiving text messages from you and messages on facebook and phone calls from you and your supporters. Your wife even called me once which I thought was odd considering our "special" relationship but I thought perhaps she was just an exceptionally open wife.
You won the election and I cannot tell you how thrilled I am but then, after one brief text and one brief message on facebook to say thank you, you stopped contacting me. Were you using me? Have you been resting? Are you busy with the girls searching for a new puppy? (Please allow me to recommend a German Shorthaired Pointer as a great family dog.) I'm feeling a little lonely now Barack (can I call you Barack?) I thought we had something lasting and meaningful and now I find you only wanted my vote. You know, you did win Pennsylvania and I really do believe I had a lot to do with that. Those republicans tried to get my vote but they never had the special relationship that we had and really, I don't go "that way" so my vote was always yours.
Well, I guess I should face facts that this is the end, you're going to be far too busy with "imporant country stuff" to continue your stolen moments with me. I'm hoping you do a good job, we're all counting on you. I voted for you because I have faith in your abilities but I will admit I'm a little disappointed that we couldn't continue our relationship. I don't live that far from DC you know, we could have worked it out somehow.
Good luck in all your future endeavors. I'm afraid you're going to need it. We'll still be here supporting you and if you ever want to pick up where we left off, you just text me, you know my number.
Very truly yours,
P.S.: I'm not jealous or anything but could you please tell Michelle that her dress on the night you won the election was just not flattering. I'm guessing it's because she didn't have $150,000 to spend on clothes so it can be excused but it just wasn't cute, not cute at all.
P.P.S: The Husband is really strong if you should need some help moving into the White House on January 20th, you just let us know.
Liquid Oreo Martini!
1 day ago