A year ago...

today my sister, mom and I went to NYC to see the musical "Wicked". It was a present for our mom that we had waited on for a long time. It should have been fun. It should have been exciting. I should have taken pictures. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad we went and the show was awesome but the whole time we were there, in the back of my mind, I knew it was the last thing the three of us would ever enjoy together. I can't exactly remember if we knew what was wrong with my mom on that day or if we just had suspicions that were almost confirmed. I do remember that I still had hope that if she had a brain tumor it was the kind that could be fixed or that she could at least live with for a while. As many of you who read my blog probably know, it ended up being the "worst" kind of brain tumor and my mom died exactly two months later. 

The next few months are going to be really hard on everyone in my family...not that it's been easy up until now but coming up on a year is just really difficult. I miss her so much and can't believe she's gone. It sucks, there's really no other way to put it. It just sucks. 

I'd like to post a few lines of a song from "Wicked" that always make me think of my mom, heck, every song from "Wicked" makes me think of my mom but these lines just seem to really fit. They're from the song "For Good". 

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend:
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you:
I have been changed for good