Thursday, January 7, 2010


Have you ever had a "friend" who you just can't seem to please no matter what you do? Why do we let these people continue to hurt us, upset us and treat us badly? Do men do the same thing? THAT I highly doubt.

Those of you who are my Facebook Friends, probably know that I'm referring to a recent episode that I had with a former FB "friend" and her love of posting status updates in her native language of French, only this last time, her status update was snarky crap about me! ME? I guess she didn't realize that I could google a translation program and get the jist of what was being said or ask a friend who is a French teacher or one of my husband's Cameroonian students to translate for me. I still can't even quite figure out why I am such an annoyance that anything negative had to be said about me in the first place. The comments related to my blog and MY status updates which honestly, aren't scandalous but usually just talk about how many miles I run, what I'm making for dinner or if I get really exciting, something funny that The Son has said to me. Isn't that what social networking is all about? I like to hear that my friend Cristina in Texas just got a new running toy and realized that she's running faster than she thought or that my friend Andrea in Delaware is going to running TWO half marathons within weeks of each other or that my friend Heidi in Pennsylvania finally had foot surgery but can't get her little one to stop jumping on the bed so that her foot won't hurt as it heals... I LIKE these updates! And if I don't, you know what? I don't read them! For example, my friend Melissa who likes to post occasional Bible passages, I am NOT a Bible passage kind of girl so I just don't read those, do I let it bother me? NO! It's her Facebook page to do with what she wants!

As for blogs, I have lots of friends who have networked their blogs to Facebook, if it's an entry I want to read, I read it, if not, I don't, simple as that. No need to bitch in another language about these people or their social networking content. I still don't understand why it was done about me AND yes, I am hurt. Really hurt.

So, I get back to my original question, have you ever had a friend that you can't seem to please no matter what you do? I'm 40 years old people, I feel like this crap shouldn't be going on in my life any more and as much as I try to say, "I won't let it bother me," "I'll get over it," "She's not worth it." It still hurts.

This particular friend was mad at me months ago, during the summer she deleted me from FB, I never really found out what I did but after a couple months of not talking to me, she told me that I had said something that hurt her feelings and she didn't feel like I was a very good friend but that she missed me and wanted to resume our friendship again. I should add that she NEVER actually told me what it was that I said or did so I still don't know but I made a conscious effort to be more sensitive, considerate and thoughtful than I had before. I even invited her to attend an upcoming scrapbooking weekend with me and my cousin and sister because I know how much she likes to scrapbook and it's local and I thought she might like to get away. I am an abrupt person, I know that, I know I can come off as harsh but I really never mean to hurt anyone's feelings, it's just my manner. If someone tells me I hurt them, I feel bad, I apologize, I'd like to know so that I can fix it. Cut to a few days ago when I invited her and her family to my New Year's Eve party. It was fun, I thought we all had a great time and then a couple days later, I see these mysterious French status updates that I eventually translated and realized were nasty things about me. UGH! WHAT THE...? WHY?

I called her on the phone, she didn't answer, I left a message that I was deleting her so that she wouldn't be bothered about my status updates and networked blog anymore and I also said, "This friendship is over, I thought we were friends again but clearly, I was wrong." I told her that I was deleting her from FB and that was at least offering the courtesy of a call which didn't happen with her when she deleted me before. I promptly hung up after feeling instantly transported back to high school! I shouldn't have let it get to me so much but I couldn't help it, I feel so betrayed and taken and can't help but wonder if maybe this was her plan all along because perhaps what I said before was so hurtful to her (not that I know what it was) that she's been planning on getting back at me. Keeping with the high school feel, all I can think to say is "Whatever."

I'd like to end by thanking all of you who commented on facebook or this blog yesterday and who support me, who understand social networking and blogging and especially to those of you who I've known for 6+ years and have never actually met in person, you girls are better friends than people who I live right down the street from and see on a regular basis. I would never call you "virtual" friends, you're real friends who I just happened to meet virtually and I really hope that someday we can all meet in person because you are all special to me. Thanks.

I know it will continue to hurt me, irritate me, confuse me and I'll continue to question why this all actually happened but I have to look at the bright side and know that truly, this isn't a person I need in my life, even if she never intended for me to realize her comments were about me, the fact is that they were and for some reason she has an inner dislike for me that I will not be able to change. Lesson learned. "Au Revoir Frenemy, Au Revoir."


Elisabeth said...

Ugh! I hate when stuff like that happens. I had a neighbor say a bunch of crap about me so immature...I just wanted to say I've been reading your blog actually going back and reading on your weightloss journey. Thank you for posting all about it. It has encouraged me as I begin getting healthy and putting myself first. So thank you for blogging and facebooking about it. It's encouraging!!! Come vist my blog sometime.

Cathy said...

AMEN Sister!

Jennifer said...

Let her have it Caren!!! That's crap!!! Some people just have to have drama, most annoying crap ever!!!

As far as your status & your blogs, their yours & just like you said you don't like it then don't read it!!!!

Nina said...

I'm really sorry that happened. that bites. especially to feel hurt.

Darlene said...

I have learned that some people thrive on drama and at this point in my life if I meet or end up with a "friend" like that I tend to end the friendship. I can't live that way. I hope you won't feel it is about you....usually THAT person doesn't like themself and take it out on everyone around them. It sounds like you are the easiest target at this point. I'm sorry you are still having to go through this type of drama as an adult.