Wednesday, August 19, 2009

To my Ex-Boyfriends:

Dear Ben and Jerry:

Hi! How are you guys? I know it's been a long time since we've seen each other and I hope you aren't too upset with me. I have to apologize for completely cutting you out of my life like I did. I hope you understand, it was me, not you. I just couldn't control myself around your sweet, creamy, deliciousness and it wasn't good for me.

I look a little different now, I've lost 63 pounds since you've last seen me. I would certainly never blame my weight gain on you guys, again, it was me not you, but I had to learn how to have a better relationship with food and I think I'm ready to try again, at least for tonight.

Do you guys mind if I stop by for a little bit, at that cute little scoop shop up on the hill in Kennebunkport? I'll be especially pleased if you have either "Dublin Mudslide" or "Coffee Heath Bar Crunch" for me. You do know however that I'll only be indulging in a small cone and then after that, I'll have to say goodbye to you guys for a while again. I know you've probably moved onto other girls and have forgotten about me, but believe me, I haven't forgotten about you. Your ice creams cannot be matched by the likes of any one else AND your liberal politics, your advocacy for the living wage and your "Caring Dairy Initiative" are enough to make a girl giddy with delight every time she thinks of the two of you.

I'll be there in a couple hours guys. Break out your best tie dyed employees for me please, Ok? See you soon.

Love and sugar cones,


P.S. Please say "HI" to the cows for me, those ladies do good work... you might even say, they're utterly fantastic!


Billie said...

You are too funny! Glad to see you are having a wonderful time.

Samantha said...

So awesome to hear your weight loss!

Cathy said...

you're a crack up!!

Hope is was yummy! I'll take "CHOCOLATE FUDGE BROWNIE" please! :)

Darlene said...

Hahahaha, I have to just stay away from it!!!! Yep, one small little cone and then bye, bye again!!!!!

Suburban Turmoil said...

Well, I guess my preferences are a little more exotic than I realized, because my ex is named Edy!

Congrats on the weight loss! That is AWESOME!

Chrissy Cuz said...

I have not seen Ben & Jerry in a long time either. I miss them. Say hi to them for me. LOL!!

Kristi said...


Have you ever tried No Pudge Brownies?? 110 calories a brownie. you just add yogurt. ANNND... you can make individual servings in the microwave so you don't overindulge. Overindulgence and I battle every night at dessert time :o)

morewineplease said...

OH MY WORD! You are hilarious!!!!!

Can I tell you.. Coffee Heath Bar crunch is sent here directly from HEAVEN, and the best thing to touch my lips.. EVER!

Laura @ the shorehouse. said...

Hahahaha! Well, there's always their little brother who goes by the nickname Low-Fat. And B&J do low-fat oh so well. Maybe you can visit with LFB&J, like, once a month? Just to show the love and all.